So Happy late mothers days to all the mothers out there in the world; whether it is an animal, a human, or angels that you’re a mother too you’re amazing! Well, guys, it has officially been a year since my life was flip upside down (fresh prince of the bel-air theme song in the back of my head). But last year I want to say the week right before mother’s day my husband told me he was done with our marriage and that he was going to start to find a place of his own so he could move out. This past year has shown me so much but I still feel stuck in that same place, I feel shattered inside still trying to grasp onto any piece of hope in my life. On the other hand, I have learned so much about myself, I learned my value my true value and little by little I am learning who I am and what I want to do with my life. Today I was watching a Facebook video of a preaching Steven Furtick did, (honestly one of my favorite pastors) but he said we can’t continue to be imbalanced with our lives and sometimes we just have to make decisions whether they feel like mistakes or not. He said that by the end of this week make 3 decisions and stick with them. As soon as he had said that I knew exactly what I had to do and thankfully the person it was about made it very easy for me, which was cut off this guy I have been talking to bc friends or not or more than friends he is just always negative and I can’t have someone in my life that does the same things I do because I will never get out of my dark cave. The second thing was to stop feeding my addiction… Now this one is tough for me because its not a certain addiction for me I just do whatever makes me feel numb at that moment whether it be alcohol, or weed, or sex. When all those things were introduced to me it was something I did because it was something that I just used once in a while or to show love to someone else, but over the years it has become things that I only use to numb or to forget the current pain I am enduring. One day I want to fall in love again and have sex with someone that truly loves me for everything that I am and I want it to be an amazingly fun experience, not a numbing one. Then my third decision is no matter how hard the road may be but finish school and become an OBGYN nurse to help mothers and babies and to also provide my kids a life they deserve without relying on a man. God has shown me my worth and my strength and now its time I begin to step into it. It has been a long, painful year but I will not and cannot let it no longer identify who I am. I may still legally be his wife but I am Alize first and a mother second.
If you have read this far I thank you and I challenge you to make 3 decisions for your life by friday whether they be long term or short term and stick to them!
Love you all!