So today for the first time I am writing the post first before i write the title. I’m hoping as a I write a title comes to me, but over the last couple of months I’ve been really working on my self. When you’re a mother and a wife and then doing everything on your own you lose yourself. You forget the things you like to do or even the way you feel about yourself. Unfortunately I did loose myself in the process of becoming a wife and a mother but when I started to remember who I was I began to remember that I hated the girl I use to be. So for once it felt good to lose myself because I could start to build this whole new person. But in that process these old feelings and past hurt and memories would begin to rise and a lot of it I had blamed on myself or put a lot on myself. Everyday I have to wake up and choose to love myself and forgive myself and constantly remind myself that a lot of those memories and past hurt wasn’t my fault. Healing is a very difficult process, the same way it takes the body time to heal on the outside is the same way it takes for someone to heal on the inside, and because I don’t heal correctly on the outside imagine how time-consuming its been to try to figure out how to heal whats going on in the inside. I have suffered from anxiety for the past 4 to 5 years and with depression for much longer, as a little girl I was always pushing my pain down to make others happy and after so many years of stuffing it deep down inside it caught up to me and I unfortunately hurt people who never inflicted me pain. Everyday I chose to forgive that little girl and I tell her that it’s not her fault she only did what she thought was best. I never suggest to anyone that is struggling with mental health deal with it on your own, always seek counsel or talk to people. You would be so surprised when you realize how many other people are struggling with the same issues! Some people have successfully gotten through it and they might be able to help or sometimes you just need someone to hear you. What you’re feeling and going through is so real and so valid. In my process I have just trusted God and he has reminded me of things I went through and has helped me process each and every memory but I also know I am nowhere near done. Trust that it is a process the healing is never quick nor easy. For whoever is reading this and has been struggling with their mental health, you’re not alone and you cannot do this alone If I am the first person that you feel can relate well let me be the first to tell you there is so many more women or men out there feeling the same way. Put yourself first once in a while and start the healing process.
You’re going to be okay I promise!